We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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