We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
