Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize