as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
