Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My penis needs a shock collar
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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