Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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