Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
