is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
