ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
