Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
