I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
