he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
