The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
