wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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