Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
