One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
