Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
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