I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.