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Your tits are I can't wait for
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
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