That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
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Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
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You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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