I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again