omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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