Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
