We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize