Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
