the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My pussy is not your playground.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
