I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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