apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
