im about as happy as oj after his trial
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
