he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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