Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
