You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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