You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
All I want is dick and wine.
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