What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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