Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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