drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
