one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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