I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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