There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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