: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Someone signed my nipple.
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