Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
