on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
