he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize