Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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