yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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