2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
