You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
