dude i'm inner monologue high
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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