this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
