you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
