I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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