So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
