i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
