he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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