So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
