I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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