ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
and you fell through a lawn chair
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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