worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
as a side note pls kill me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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