Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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