she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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