well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
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Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table