I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk