He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.