If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
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I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
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I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.