i permit you to call me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
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Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?