Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.