it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
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Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.