I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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