You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying