I love black thongs
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
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Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
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I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner