If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
