I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
