white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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