i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
