So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
