Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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