Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
