do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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