We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
