smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
