I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
