He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
