But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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