having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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