The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
