Cold hands, warm shart.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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