she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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