Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
