I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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