I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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