I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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