Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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