I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
