one two three fourrrrnication!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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