He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
