yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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