He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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